house with no mirrors

Wow, lately been f**cked up

I just broke all of the mirrors inside my house

while on my dance journey, it's pretty important to look at yourself to, ya know, see how you look

but when it's time to perform, the mirrors from the studio are all removed, and are instead traded with a stage and the crowd before you

while practicing a choreo i was learning with my first instructor, he told me something i was in complete disbelief about -

"do you dance with your eyes closed?"

i thought he might have seen something incorrectly, but truth be told, he's been doing this teaching thing for a while, for an activity that ESPECIALLY demands rapid visual breakdown

and then i realized - i've never seen myself for over 30 years

it got me to thinking as to WHY i've actively been avoiding looking in the mirror

(part of it is admittedly because i find it hard to perform a dance and watch myself at the same time, at least for now, but...)

in a sense, i've been avoiding looking at myself because i find it incredibly difficult to come face-to-face with everything i am

or in a more realistic sense

everything that i am not

but now that i have this knowledge...

what will the next step be?